Am I a clown? Do I make you laugh?

Recently I am wondering why my life is so amusing. Is it me, because I have a good sense of humor I see things in a funny light? Or is that some higher power likes to screw with me? I am not sure I want to know the answer.

During the day, when I am not surfing the internet reading People.com or fantasizing about my next vacation, I am in Human Resources. For all intensive purposes that means I am the bitch who tells you "no" to everything fun you want to do.

Q: Can I give so and so a raise?
Me: No.

Q: Can I serve alcohol at the party?
Me: No.

Q: Can we accept gifts from vendors?
Me: No.

Anywoo, the other day I have someone in my office lobbying to get telecommuting privileges because she has an upcoming medical procedure (read: Dr. 90210). My answer....wait for it....No. The whole time we are meeting she has this swarmy smirk on her face. And I keep asking her, "Is there something else on your mind? You don't seem satisified with my answers..." She says no and we wrap up.

A few minutes later I am doing a spot check in the mirror -- how bad is the gray hair today? Anything in my teeth? (You know the drill.) And there it is -- a big dollop of yogurt on my nose. Not on the tip, but about 3/4 of an inch up.

EXCELLENT.

Now I understand why this woman was looking at me with those eyes that were clearly saying "jackass!"

For the record, as she was coming to my office I was downing some yogurt and I couldn't find a spoon, ergo I was just trying to drink it. Hey, at least it was yogurt and not a vat of mayo or something.

I wish I could say this was an isolated incident. I went home that night and told my husband and he said "hasn't that happened before?"

Technically, no. Last time it was salad dressing.

Seriously, does crap like this happen to other people? I don't feel like it does. Case in point....

Last weekend I am at the gym. I go to the gym in the office b.c. it's cheap and actually its not that bad. They have TVs at every machine and the locker rooms are clean and big.

So there I am on the elliptical, scanning the channels. I stop on VH1 and start watching "Rock of Love". Have you seen this? You must. It's basically the Bachelor, but the guy is Brett Michaels from Poison. The woman seem to have limited intelligence but high levels of silicone and collagen. It is great, classic, reality TV. I am entranced.

In this one particular scene Brett is hosting a dance off and the girls are dancing (scantily clad, of course) and he starts doing body shots off them. Again, classic reality TV. Then I realize that someone is hovering over my left shoulder watching my TV. Hovering a solid ten seconds, while Brett is doing more body shots.

Finally, I look to see who is this person watching me watch (basically) soft porn (practically) at the office.

Yeah.

It's the #2 guy in the whole company. In line to be #1. Makes at minimum 20 times what I do a year. And there he is, watching me watching soft porn at work. And mind you, I am in Human Resources.

I am of course immediately mortified. And I switch the channel to MSNBC. What is going on with the Clinton campaign?

Then I just start laughing, because I feel like this could only happen to me.

At what point do these ridiculous incidents gain critical mass and I just need to find another job? Hopefully no time soon, because I have another 2 years before I am vested.