Cliche, yes, but so important

Work has been filled with a lot of crap lately -- doing a lot of things that make people think I'm a bad person. So coming home to my goofy kids is even better. I keep telling these hilarious "kids say the darnest things" type stories, so I thought I would type some of them up.

My oldest is three, so she's really coming out with these precious nuggets of stereotypical cuteness.

This all started a few months back. I was upstairs nursing a hangover and doing my typical 2 hour "shower" which is really a 10 minute shower and the remainder I am snuggled with my bathrobe under the covers asleep. The husband came upstairs and busted me. We were having a rare snuggly moment. A little spooning in the afternoon is great, even if you still smell like pinot noir from the night before. Then we hear this come from the bottom of the stairs....

"HEY!! Can someone wipe my butt??"

Romance gone with just six words. (To give more context, the oldest was just going through potty training and the wiping her ass thing was still an "area of development")

Since then, there have been many precious verbal nuggets that are worth passing on...Just last week there were three that were classic.

The first was on our way to school. We drive a bunch of backroads to get to day care -- a total of 11 minute drive, and yes, New Jersey is actually quite green and we are surrounded by farms. There is one farm we pass every day and we usually see the cows just as they are moving from the barn into the pasture. This morning, I was explaining to her how milk comes from cows. She then asked me,

"Does milk come out of the cow's butt?"

Clearly, I know that milk does not come out a cow's butt. But at 7:30 morning, do I really want to explain udders? Then what if she asks me HOW a cow makes milk? Come on, do you know how a cow actually makes milk? No, you don't!

"Kind of, it kind of comes out of their butts. Oh, we're almost at school, what do you think is for breakfast???" I love it, finally a use for the Irish Catholic skill of dodging the pressing issues (Uncle Tom isn't gay, he's just very religious....)...

The next morning, she was in my room waiting for me to get out of the shower. When I got out, I saw her on my bed, lifting her shirt a bit, nothing alarming, probably looking at her belly button. Then she asks,

"Mommy what is this?"

Shirt lifting, finger on her nipples. My mouth goes dry almost automatically.

"Uh, that's part of your body, you know, your chest."

"Is it like a button?"

"Yes! It is like a button" Heh heh heh, a button! I like it when Dad presses that button....(Don't worry, I didn't say that.

Another gem. Then that very night we are making dinner. She had an accident at school, so was strutting around in boy's bermuda shorts and her rain boots -- yes, I know, its quite a look. She kept sticking her hand down her pants.

"Hey, stop putting your hand down your pants, its not good manners"

"Mom! I found a hole!"

Gasp. My life flashed before my eyes. Was I really going to have to explain this one? I wasn't ready. I'm not, I'm just not! And the quesadillas are burning!

"Mom, I found a hole in my underwear!"

Deep deep sighs of relief.

Aaah, kids.

To ensure that I am not showing favoritism, kid #2 is also very silly lately. She has started on the Stevie Wonder like waving of the head. Then she's started putting her finger up her nose. She knows it makes me laugh, and its so hard to tell her not to do it without laughing. I know its juvenile, but its funny. As you can see by the photo she also a complete mess!

She loves to take the plate and hold it perpendicular and just lick it. AAAh, the good ol' days.

Anyways, very cliche, but these moments make the day job much easier when I have to say things like, "this decision is final" and "there is no further recourse for you at this point" at least I know I can go home and get a good laugh or three.